The Lucky Ones

My daughter and I can have some interesting conversations when it comes to family and her adoption. Yesterday, I was driving us to rehearsal and for some reason, we got on the topic of parents. She informed me that her friend's two moms got married. She's known this school friend for several years and I explained long ago how her friend had two moms. When she told me they got married, I said how happy I was for them. She then told me how lucky she was that she had a mom and a dad. While I like that my daughter feels lucky, I didn't want her to think that only kids with a mom and a dad were lucky. I went on to explain again how families are formed in many different ways. Mom/Dad, Mom/Mom, Dad/Dad, just a mom or dad only, even grandparents raising some children. She has friends adopted from China that only have a mom. I tried to explain that anyone who had someone who loved them was lucky. While some people don't agree with it, I do believe that non-traditional families are just as lucky to have each other and just as normal as a 'traditional' family, if you can even use those words anymore. Look at my family. Both hubby and I have been married and divorced before being together. I have three children - none of which I gave birth to. So are we a traditional family?

The other conversation was a bit bothersome and one I wish I could have had a better response to. We were having lunch in a Chinese restaurant together and she brought up that she was born in China. She asked where I was born and I said the United States. Under her breath, she said 'lucky.' Again, I tried to explain that no one is luckier than anyone else because of where they are born. Yes, some countries do have a harder time of it, but I didn't want her to feel inferior for being born in China as opposed to the U.S. I really didn't have anything else to say about this, so we changed the subject.

I want my daughter to feel special and important and loved. But I don't want her to feel superior or inferior to others based on some of those things. Being 'lucky' can take on many different meanings. If being 'lucky' by having a mom and dad makes her feel secure and comfortable, then fine. But by thinking others are 'lucky' because of where they were born - well, I need help with that one. I do think it's time that we really start talking more about her heritage. She's five now and I want her to be proud of the country she was born to. It's time I do my own research to start helping my daughter feel proud of the skin she's in.