I am not a patient person. I know this.
My daughter is learning to read, as most kindergartners are doing at this time of the school year. She has made a huge leap in the past few weeks, but still has issues with a few of her letters. I understand that learning to read is a slow and long process for many. Those of us who've been doing it for decades, and can't remember what it was like when we were five, can take it for granted. How can you NOT know that the word is "sat"?
As my daughter tries to read to me and struggles with a word, I ask two things of her. If she doesn't know it, then spell the letters in the word. Second, try to sound it out with the sounds that those letters make. This must not be the way that she learns, because it isn't working between mother and daughter. I am trying SO HARD to be patient. I simply am not one to teach young children. I've taught college courses for several years, so I do know what it's like to teach. But apparently, I am not cut out for teaching children to read.
I want to support my daughter and help her AS MUCH as I can. But I don't know how. I don't know how to get over my impatience and frustration with the slow and tedious process of trying to get your brain to work out some letters and sounds in your head. It's like when I am learning new choreography for a show. I need to be shown the steps multiple times. I need to count out the steps to the beat of the music. I need to rehearse it frequently in order to get it to stick in my brain. I KNOW this takes time, and I get easily frustrated with myself when I just can't get it. So now, I feel like THE worst mother at this moment. What kind of mom yells at her kids for not knowing what sound an "s" makes, when she herself knows the challenges of learning something new?
Once again, more proof that not all mothers are built to be the stay-at-home, home-schooling kind. If I were, I would certainly be graded with an F.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Five years ago, I looked into the eyes of my future.
Today is the five year anniversary of Maya's adoption day from China. Here is my account of that fateful day.
Five years ago today, we were sitting in the Jiangxi Adoption affairs office, waiting for the girls to arrive...when I realized I forgot the paperwork! HOW COULD I FORGET THE PAPERWORK??!!!?? My husband stared at me in disbelief...ME, the anal-retentive, organized, got it all together ME had forgotton to bring the paperwork! What did he expect, I was getting ready to give birth!!!!!!!!
SO, after about 10 minutes of TOTALLY freaking out that they wouldn't give me my baby, Joel talked to our guide and he said it would be fine. After all, I did remember to bring my passport so I had SOME form of identification. But I was in tears prior to being handed my daughter for all the wrong reasons! I, of course, can laugh about it now, but what a horrible feeling!
The girls arrived after we waited about 20 minutes. They were carried into the room, all in gorgeous matching quilted red jackets and black pants. They were all flush with red cheeks. All quiet and calm for just having endured a four hour bus ride. Would I recognize her when I saw her? Could I pick her out of just four girls lined up?? Of course I could, my beautiful daughter! I always hated having a last name near the end of the alphabet. We had to wait until last to hold our child. But what is a few seconds of wait when I had just endured years of waiting for my wonderful daughter.
She was very inquisitive. She came to me easily - just looking around, holding tight to her name tag and looking at it with wonder and awe. Looking at me with less excitement than that inanimate object. I handed her to her daddy. She gave him the strangest look, like "You're kidding, right? You're my dad? Well, okay." That picture is still my favorite.
She was calm on the way back to the hotel, calm when we sat her down, calm when we took off her outer layer. Joel tried to engage her first. I just watched her. She gave us each one slight grin, giving us hope. Then all hell broke loose. She cried and cried and cried.What a horrible, but yet beautiful sound. My daughter...grieving, yes, but MY daughter. How I had waited to hear that cry. Every ounce of power in it. She was truly mine.
She is still my beautiful, moody, intelligent, stubborn, dramatic, loving little spitfire. She is all I could ever have imagined and ten times more. What a wonderful day to celebrate.
Happy Gotcha Day to my Maya Grace MinXuan.
Five years ago today, we were sitting in the Jiangxi Adoption affairs office, waiting for the girls to arrive...when I realized I forgot the paperwork! HOW COULD I FORGET THE PAPERWORK??!!!?? My husband stared at me in disbelief...ME, the anal-retentive, organized, got it all together ME had forgotton to bring the paperwork! What did he expect, I was getting ready to give birth!!!!!!!!
SO, after about 10 minutes of TOTALLY freaking out that they wouldn't give me my baby, Joel talked to our guide and he said it would be fine. After all, I did remember to bring my passport so I had SOME form of identification. But I was in tears prior to being handed my daughter for all the wrong reasons! I, of course, can laugh about it now, but what a horrible feeling!
The girls arrived after we waited about 20 minutes. They were carried into the room, all in gorgeous matching quilted red jackets and black pants. They were all flush with red cheeks. All quiet and calm for just having endured a four hour bus ride. Would I recognize her when I saw her? Could I pick her out of just four girls lined up?? Of course I could, my beautiful daughter! I always hated having a last name near the end of the alphabet. We had to wait until last to hold our child. But what is a few seconds of wait when I had just endured years of waiting for my wonderful daughter.
She was very inquisitive. She came to me easily - just looking around, holding tight to her name tag and looking at it with wonder and awe. Looking at me with less excitement than that inanimate object. I handed her to her daddy. She gave him the strangest look, like "You're kidding, right? You're my dad? Well, okay." That picture is still my favorite.
She was calm on the way back to the hotel, calm when we sat her down, calm when we took off her outer layer. Joel tried to engage her first. I just watched her. She gave us each one slight grin, giving us hope. Then all hell broke loose. She cried and cried and cried.What a horrible, but yet beautiful sound. My daughter...grieving, yes, but MY daughter. How I had waited to hear that cry. Every ounce of power in it. She was truly mine.
She is still my beautiful, moody, intelligent, stubborn, dramatic, loving little spitfire. She is all I could ever have imagined and ten times more. What a wonderful day to celebrate.
Happy Gotcha Day to my Maya Grace MinXuan.
Monday, January 18, 2010
It sucks getting old.
I probably shouldn't announce this to the world...or at least to the two people that read this blog, but I'm in perimenopause. And it sucks.
Two years ago, when I was 35, I started experiencing these weird changes. Excessive moodiness (more than usual) and irritability, sleep issues, joint pain and swelling, problems thinking and concentrating. I thought I was going nuts. I felt like I was losing my mind and my sanity started to wane. Then one day my dear husband said "I think I know what's wrong with you," and I asked him "what?". He says, "I think you're perimenopausal." Now, being a woman, I should have known what that meant, but I didn't. He said he had been searching online for my symptoms and came across this. I immediately went online and checked it out. Once I read the symptoms and recognized so many of them, I started to cry. For two reasons. One, I was finally happy to learn that I was not going completely insane, but that there was a reason for all of my recent problems. And number two, I cried because I was too young to be entering this phase.
I talked with my mother and she reminded me that she had issues at my age and had a full hysterectomy at age 35. My grandmother also experienced many issues in her 30s. Apparently, it's genetic. Handed down by the women before me. I made an appointment with my doctor and told her of my self-diagnosis. After listening to all I had to say, she agreed that it was more than likely perimenopause, but didn't want to waste the time on testing. She told me she could treat all of my symptoms individually, but there wasn't much more to do for it. I told her I would just wait it out and see what progressed.
About that time, I decided to go off the birth control pill. I didn't need it for birth control purposes, and I only used it to regulate, well, for the guys reading this blog, my monthly visitor. But it gave me migraines as well, so I stopped. In the past year and a half the perimenopausal symptoms come and go, but do seem to have gotton worse over the last several months. I have always had a fair amount of stress in my life, and actually thrive on it at times. But when my mood goes from happy, to pissed off, to depressed, and when my head aches for days on end, or when I just feel like crawling under a blanket and hiding from the world, I know that I can't take it much more. Nor can my family. Luckily, my husband has been pretty understanding. I can't always recognize my symptoms until after I've screamed at the whole house, or thrown my cell phone across the room, or kicked something. But when I'm calm and blame it on the hormones, I think he can agree that I should probably seek help.
I want to try vitamins and herbal remedies first, but want to see my doctor to review what amounts and types would be best. I have a great book of knowledge about perimenopause and have tried to follow along with some of it, but think that I need a more informed opinion about where to go from here. For my sanity, and for the sake of my marriage and motherhood.
Two years ago, when I was 35, I started experiencing these weird changes. Excessive moodiness (more than usual) and irritability, sleep issues, joint pain and swelling, problems thinking and concentrating. I thought I was going nuts. I felt like I was losing my mind and my sanity started to wane. Then one day my dear husband said "I think I know what's wrong with you," and I asked him "what?". He says, "I think you're perimenopausal." Now, being a woman, I should have known what that meant, but I didn't. He said he had been searching online for my symptoms and came across this. I immediately went online and checked it out. Once I read the symptoms and recognized so many of them, I started to cry. For two reasons. One, I was finally happy to learn that I was not going completely insane, but that there was a reason for all of my recent problems. And number two, I cried because I was too young to be entering this phase.
I talked with my mother and she reminded me that she had issues at my age and had a full hysterectomy at age 35. My grandmother also experienced many issues in her 30s. Apparently, it's genetic. Handed down by the women before me. I made an appointment with my doctor and told her of my self-diagnosis. After listening to all I had to say, she agreed that it was more than likely perimenopause, but didn't want to waste the time on testing. She told me she could treat all of my symptoms individually, but there wasn't much more to do for it. I told her I would just wait it out and see what progressed.
About that time, I decided to go off the birth control pill. I didn't need it for birth control purposes, and I only used it to regulate, well, for the guys reading this blog, my monthly visitor. But it gave me migraines as well, so I stopped. In the past year and a half the perimenopausal symptoms come and go, but do seem to have gotton worse over the last several months. I have always had a fair amount of stress in my life, and actually thrive on it at times. But when my mood goes from happy, to pissed off, to depressed, and when my head aches for days on end, or when I just feel like crawling under a blanket and hiding from the world, I know that I can't take it much more. Nor can my family. Luckily, my husband has been pretty understanding. I can't always recognize my symptoms until after I've screamed at the whole house, or thrown my cell phone across the room, or kicked something. But when I'm calm and blame it on the hormones, I think he can agree that I should probably seek help.
I want to try vitamins and herbal remedies first, but want to see my doctor to review what amounts and types would be best. I have a great book of knowledge about perimenopause and have tried to follow along with some of it, but think that I need a more informed opinion about where to go from here. For my sanity, and for the sake of my marriage and motherhood.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
10 days in...
So we're not quite two weeks in to the new year, and I've had some minor success with my resolutions. I beleive in the last ten days, my family has sat down at the table together about 3 or 4 times. Seriously, that's a record with my family. Due to crazy schedules, we've been lucky to sit down all together about twice a month. I have tried some new ways to prepare dishes, but haven't totally dived into new recipes just yet. I'm clipping out interesting recipes from some of my magazines. Also found a great article on what items you should always keep stocked in your pantry. In probably another week or two I hope to be able to spend some time at the grocery looking it all up. It is nice that I can 'kill two birds with one stone' by learning to cook. It does bring us together as a family. While our table conversations could improve, at least we're making the effort!
We took down the rest of our holiday decorations this weekend. It's nice to get my living room back! Our living room has been my space for awhile now. Two summers ago, I repainted and bought new furniture to make it my room. I enjoy curling up on my chair with my blanket and reading a good book. Once the holiday stuff was down, it was nice to be able to do that again.
I still have projects I need to work on. I am working on Maya's 2009 photo book and once I get all the pics from my hubby and stepdaughter (I leave it to them to take the photos - I suck at it.), I can get that ordered. I am also hoping to work on her Tonggu photo book. When Spring arrives, time to relandscape the front of our house! I know NOTHING about plants, flowers, landscaping, etc. I only know how happy my tulips make me when they bloom in early Spring. I'll definitely need to educate myself before deciding how to change it.
We took down the rest of our holiday decorations this weekend. It's nice to get my living room back! Our living room has been my space for awhile now. Two summers ago, I repainted and bought new furniture to make it my room. I enjoy curling up on my chair with my blanket and reading a good book. Once the holiday stuff was down, it was nice to be able to do that again.
I still have projects I need to work on. I am working on Maya's 2009 photo book and once I get all the pics from my hubby and stepdaughter (I leave it to them to take the photos - I suck at it.), I can get that ordered. I am also hoping to work on her Tonggu photo book. When Spring arrives, time to relandscape the front of our house! I know NOTHING about plants, flowers, landscaping, etc. I only know how happy my tulips make me when they bloom in early Spring. I'll definitely need to educate myself before deciding how to change it.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Bittersweet thoughts
Tonight is the audition for "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" at a local theater. I've done this show before, WAY back in 1996. I had always said that if I auditioned for it again, I would audition only for the lead - the narrator. In fact, since they announced the show, I've been thinking of and preparing for this audition. But due to my decision to take a break from the stage, I won't be there tonight. A bit upset, but know that getting the role would have been a longshot anyway. I do still stand firm behind my decision, even if it means giving up the chance to play a role I've always wanted to.
However, the break WILL do me good. I have a roast in the crockpot now. Planning on making my famous beef and noodles along with potatoes (haven't decided how to prepare them yet) and roasted asparagus (something I've never done before - I normally just steam them.) We'll see how it turns out. Glad I have some wine leftover from the Holidays. The Christmas break has been good, but have a VERY heavy work week ahead.
However, the break WILL do me good. I have a roast in the crockpot now. Planning on making my famous beef and noodles along with potatoes (haven't decided how to prepare them yet) and roasted asparagus (something I've never done before - I normally just steam them.) We'll see how it turns out. Glad I have some wine leftover from the Holidays. The Christmas break has been good, but have a VERY heavy work week ahead.
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Year's Resolutions
New Year's Resolutions
#1 - Learn To Cook
I am the queen of convenience meals. I can make some mean tacos, some decent spaghetti, and a pretty good beef stew. Of course, all my ingredients are mainly pre-packaged, pre-mixed, pre-cooked, etc. My most proud meal is the beef and noodles recipe I learned from my grandmother. There really is nothing more satisfying than putting a roast into the crock pot with some water, seasoning salt, and ground cloves, to cook all day. But I need to do more. We need to start making healthier choices as a family. With our more relaxed schedule, there is NO reason we can't all sit down to the dinner table as a family most nights of the week. So, I will learn to cook. I will find more ways of preparing chicken. I will explore different types of fish. I will learn to saute, roast, simmer, and grill. We will eat more vegetables. We will eat less high fructose corn syrup.
#2 - Finish one major home improvement project
I really am relying on my husband to help me accomplish this. There are many things we need to do to our home if we ever hope to sell it for a reasonable profit. I have many choices and projects in mind: re-landscape the front area of our house; paint and put down new floors in our kitchen; put down a new floor in our family room. Those are the big three. Since I really do enjoy spreadsheets and planning, my mission is to price all of the materials needed for these projects, estimate the time it will take to accomplish, and the supposed addition to the resale value of our home. Who knows, maybe we'll be inspired to do all three!
#3 - Spend more time with my family
This goes without saying, since I've already made the decision to step off stage for several months. Maya needs more work on her reading and letter recognition. My husband needs more attention from his wife. My stepkids need someone to take more interest in their activities and lives.
I haven't made resolutions in several years. Seriously, who does anymore? Or at least stick to them? But if there was ever a time that changes needed to be made in my life, it's now. By writing them down, by owning up to them now and in the face of what I assume to be just a few readers, perhaps I will have more motivation to accomplish it all. Only time will tell. Hey, I have 12 months, right?
#1 - Learn To Cook
I am the queen of convenience meals. I can make some mean tacos, some decent spaghetti, and a pretty good beef stew. Of course, all my ingredients are mainly pre-packaged, pre-mixed, pre-cooked, etc. My most proud meal is the beef and noodles recipe I learned from my grandmother. There really is nothing more satisfying than putting a roast into the crock pot with some water, seasoning salt, and ground cloves, to cook all day. But I need to do more. We need to start making healthier choices as a family. With our more relaxed schedule, there is NO reason we can't all sit down to the dinner table as a family most nights of the week. So, I will learn to cook. I will find more ways of preparing chicken. I will explore different types of fish. I will learn to saute, roast, simmer, and grill. We will eat more vegetables. We will eat less high fructose corn syrup.
#2 - Finish one major home improvement project
I really am relying on my husband to help me accomplish this. There are many things we need to do to our home if we ever hope to sell it for a reasonable profit. I have many choices and projects in mind: re-landscape the front area of our house; paint and put down new floors in our kitchen; put down a new floor in our family room. Those are the big three. Since I really do enjoy spreadsheets and planning, my mission is to price all of the materials needed for these projects, estimate the time it will take to accomplish, and the supposed addition to the resale value of our home. Who knows, maybe we'll be inspired to do all three!
#3 - Spend more time with my family
This goes without saying, since I've already made the decision to step off stage for several months. Maya needs more work on her reading and letter recognition. My husband needs more attention from his wife. My stepkids need someone to take more interest in their activities and lives.
I haven't made resolutions in several years. Seriously, who does anymore? Or at least stick to them? But if there was ever a time that changes needed to be made in my life, it's now. By writing them down, by owning up to them now and in the face of what I assume to be just a few readers, perhaps I will have more motivation to accomplish it all. Only time will tell. Hey, I have 12 months, right?
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