As a working mom, there never seems to be enough time.
As a mother, your daughter wants time with you. Wants to run outside, play games, sit together and watch tv, wants hugs and loving, needs the channel changed, needs help picking out clothes, cleaning up her room. It's never enough.
As an employee, your boss demands time of you. Wants you to work on multiple projects while continually piling more on top. Wants you to not only get your work done, but ensure that your staff gets their work done. Which often means helping your staff do their work on top of your own. It's never enough.
As my own person, I need time. Time to balance the checkbook, buy the birthday presents, do the grocery shopping, cook the meals, take a bath, maybe get to spend some time with my husband. It's never enough.
As a working mom and wife, there's never enough time or energy in a day. You feel like you're doing everything half-assed instead of doing just a few things really well. I've learned to give up some things and let them go, but I hate the feeling that I am never really accomplishing anything. It's just this circuitous battle of the clock. A bunch of projects half done or put aside to focus on the fire of the day. There's just never enough of me at the end of the day.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The Lucky Ones
My daughter and I can have some interesting conversations when it comes to family and her adoption. Yesterday, I was driving us to rehearsal and for some reason, we got on the topic of parents. She informed me that her friend's two moms got married. She's known this school friend for several years and I explained long ago how her friend had two moms. When she told me they got married, I said how happy I was for them. She then told me how lucky she was that she had a mom and a dad. While I like that my daughter feels lucky, I didn't want her to think that only kids with a mom and a dad were lucky. I went on to explain again how families are formed in many different ways. Mom/Dad, Mom/Mom, Dad/Dad, just a mom or dad only, even grandparents raising some children. She has friends adopted from China that only have a mom. I tried to explain that anyone who had someone who loved them was lucky. While some people don't agree with it, I do believe that non-traditional families are just as lucky to have each other and just as normal as a 'traditional' family, if you can even use those words anymore. Look at my family. Both hubby and I have been married and divorced before being together. I have three children - none of which I gave birth to. So are we a traditional family?
The other conversation was a bit bothersome and one I wish I could have had a better response to. We were having lunch in a Chinese restaurant together and she brought up that she was born in China. She asked where I was born and I said the United States. Under her breath, she said 'lucky.' Again, I tried to explain that no one is luckier than anyone else because of where they are born. Yes, some countries do have a harder time of it, but I didn't want her to feel inferior for being born in China as opposed to the U.S. I really didn't have anything else to say about this, so we changed the subject.
I want my daughter to feel special and important and loved. But I don't want her to feel superior or inferior to others based on some of those things. Being 'lucky' can take on many different meanings. If being 'lucky' by having a mom and dad makes her feel secure and comfortable, then fine. But by thinking others are 'lucky' because of where they were born - well, I need help with that one. I do think it's time that we really start talking more about her heritage. She's five now and I want her to be proud of the country she was born to. It's time I do my own research to start helping my daughter feel proud of the skin she's in.
The other conversation was a bit bothersome and one I wish I could have had a better response to. We were having lunch in a Chinese restaurant together and she brought up that she was born in China. She asked where I was born and I said the United States. Under her breath, she said 'lucky.' Again, I tried to explain that no one is luckier than anyone else because of where they are born. Yes, some countries do have a harder time of it, but I didn't want her to feel inferior for being born in China as opposed to the U.S. I really didn't have anything else to say about this, so we changed the subject.
I want my daughter to feel special and important and loved. But I don't want her to feel superior or inferior to others based on some of those things. Being 'lucky' can take on many different meanings. If being 'lucky' by having a mom and dad makes her feel secure and comfortable, then fine. But by thinking others are 'lucky' because of where they were born - well, I need help with that one. I do think it's time that we really start talking more about her heritage. She's five now and I want her to be proud of the country she was born to. It's time I do my own research to start helping my daughter feel proud of the skin she's in.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Made for the stage
Well, we did it. My husband and I convinced our daughter to appear on stage with us in a show! I never really wanted to push her into theatre - I wanted it to be a decision she made on her own. Although if anyone is going to be on the stage, it's her. She is the most animated and witty and talented little thing. Everyone says she's made for the stage. Again, nurture vs. nature? I'd say she was born with 80% and we've just helped along with the additional 20!
My husband is directing a Christmas revue at his theatre. Because I do enjoy the holidays, and I wanted to see my husband during those weeks leading up to Christmas, I auditioned. His daughter auditioned as well and will be in the show. Hubby needed a young male to read some of the war letters that troops sent home around the holidays, so he enlisted his son, who is begrudgingly joining in (more like forced, but I had nothing to do with that). So, it was only inevitable that our 5-year-old would join as well. I didn't want to push her into anything she didn't want to do. I don't want to be one of those parents who pushes activities on a child. But after the first rehearsal, and knowing she could sing Rudolph and Santa Claus is coming to town, she too reluctantly agreed.
Growing up, I didn't have the type of exposure to different activities that I had really wanted. The only reason I got into theatre was because of my two older sisters. Then it was up to me to pursue my own talents and activities. I want to be the type of parent that allows their child to try out many different things and choose what they want to do. Maya is five, and so far, she's taken ballet, swimming lessons at school, has gone to numerous plays and concerts, sporting events, and more. While guiding her towards what I think she will like, the decision on who and what she wants to be solely lies with her. I can't help it if I help nudge her a bit along the way!
My husband is directing a Christmas revue at his theatre. Because I do enjoy the holidays, and I wanted to see my husband during those weeks leading up to Christmas, I auditioned. His daughter auditioned as well and will be in the show. Hubby needed a young male to read some of the war letters that troops sent home around the holidays, so he enlisted his son, who is begrudgingly joining in (more like forced, but I had nothing to do with that). So, it was only inevitable that our 5-year-old would join as well. I didn't want to push her into anything she didn't want to do. I don't want to be one of those parents who pushes activities on a child. But after the first rehearsal, and knowing she could sing Rudolph and Santa Claus is coming to town, she too reluctantly agreed.
Growing up, I didn't have the type of exposure to different activities that I had really wanted. The only reason I got into theatre was because of my two older sisters. Then it was up to me to pursue my own talents and activities. I want to be the type of parent that allows their child to try out many different things and choose what they want to do. Maya is five, and so far, she's taken ballet, swimming lessons at school, has gone to numerous plays and concerts, sporting events, and more. While guiding her towards what I think she will like, the decision on who and what she wants to be solely lies with her. I can't help it if I help nudge her a bit along the way!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Something Special
My daughter said two wonderful things to me today. This morning as we were preparing to leave the house. "Mommy, you always look beautiful, but today you look 'extra' beautiful." And then on the way to school, she said "Mommy, you know all the kisses that you and daddy give me? Do you know where I keep them? In my heart."
Out of the blue, my child can just floor me with her sweetness and sensitivity. It's moments like these that make me so proud, and help me realize that while not a perfect parent, I am raising her right. It also brings to mind the "nurture vs. nature" theory. We adopted her when she was 10 months old. She already had a personality (and wow, what a personality!). Stubborness, the desire to have things her way, sassy...but also sweet and funny and, after a short rough period, the ability to love with all her heart. Now, as a 5-year-old, she is still all of those things. How much is just 'who she is' versus how much we've raised her to be?
Either way, she is one amazing kid. She can drive me completely batty one minute, and have me in smiles and happy tears the next. My husband said to me before we adopted, "Parenthood is the best thing to happen to you, and the worst thing to happen to you." It wasn't until I was a parent that I understood. It's not that being a parent is awful, it just adds so many new layers to your life. Less time for yourself and others, more fears and worries about this human that you're now responsible for. Uncertainties and insecurities. But then there's the love, the cuddles, the kisses, the triumphs. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
Out of the blue, my child can just floor me with her sweetness and sensitivity. It's moments like these that make me so proud, and help me realize that while not a perfect parent, I am raising her right. It also brings to mind the "nurture vs. nature" theory. We adopted her when she was 10 months old. She already had a personality (and wow, what a personality!). Stubborness, the desire to have things her way, sassy...but also sweet and funny and, after a short rough period, the ability to love with all her heart. Now, as a 5-year-old, she is still all of those things. How much is just 'who she is' versus how much we've raised her to be?
Either way, she is one amazing kid. She can drive me completely batty one minute, and have me in smiles and happy tears the next. My husband said to me before we adopted, "Parenthood is the best thing to happen to you, and the worst thing to happen to you." It wasn't until I was a parent that I understood. It's not that being a parent is awful, it just adds so many new layers to your life. Less time for yourself and others, more fears and worries about this human that you're now responsible for. Uncertainties and insecurities. But then there's the love, the cuddles, the kisses, the triumphs. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
For the love of love
My daughter is in love with Sam. She says they're going to get married. Of course, last week she was in love with Timmy and they were going to get married. A few weeks before that, it was Cael who would be her true love. I will remind you that my daughter is FIVE years old. When I start to comment that she's too young to think about boys and being in love and getting married, I have to remind myself that I was the same way at her age. Boy crazy.
His name was Chad. We were in kindergarten together. Blond hair, blue eyes, shy smile. I was five years old and in love. That's when it all started for me, too. Five years old. Throughout my grade school years there was Chris, Jason, Greg, Jack, etc. Each year, a new crush would emerge.
I don't want to discourage my daughter from thinking about boys at such a young age. But I do want to protect her from the hurt that goes along with crushes that turn into unrequited love. I'm hoping that she'll have a lot better luck than I did. And, by the way, I've told her she's got at LEAST 20 years to think about marriage!
His name was Chad. We were in kindergarten together. Blond hair, blue eyes, shy smile. I was five years old and in love. That's when it all started for me, too. Five years old. Throughout my grade school years there was Chris, Jason, Greg, Jack, etc. Each year, a new crush would emerge.
I don't want to discourage my daughter from thinking about boys at such a young age. But I do want to protect her from the hurt that goes along with crushes that turn into unrequited love. I'm hoping that she'll have a lot better luck than I did. And, by the way, I've told her she's got at LEAST 20 years to think about marriage!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Just do it!
I'm used to my busy life. I actually enjoy a busy life. I have finally learned the art of relaxation, but still, I need things to occupy my time or I go nuts.
There are some people in my life who aren't so accepting of a busy lifestyle, or even know what 'busy' really is. I have always been the person that does more than her share. Worked two or three jobs at a time, taken on multiple roles and responsibilities in those jobs, accepted the bill-paying and having almost complete oversight of the home. Feel like a single parent often with a husband who himself works three jobs and can be gone from 9am to 11pm many days. And still finding time to participate in hobbies and social events.
I don't take kindly to those who don't do their work, don't do their share. Don't take the responsibility that they're expected to do. Is it laziness? Lack of motivation? An actual inabillity to think more than one thought at a time? It's frustrating, to say the least. And I'm not talking about those who just are more laid back than I. I realize I'm high-strung and have sometimes a very strong sense of duty and responsibility, and yes, a bent towards being a control freak. I realize not everyone is like me and approaches things differently. But if you aren't up for the task, than don't take it on. Don't drag other people down with you because you can't handle it.
I have a motto - If you want something done, do it yourself. I wish I didn't have to feel that way. But when you're disappointed so many times by others who won't do their part, what do you expect?
There are some people in my life who aren't so accepting of a busy lifestyle, or even know what 'busy' really is. I have always been the person that does more than her share. Worked two or three jobs at a time, taken on multiple roles and responsibilities in those jobs, accepted the bill-paying and having almost complete oversight of the home. Feel like a single parent often with a husband who himself works three jobs and can be gone from 9am to 11pm many days. And still finding time to participate in hobbies and social events.
I don't take kindly to those who don't do their work, don't do their share. Don't take the responsibility that they're expected to do. Is it laziness? Lack of motivation? An actual inabillity to think more than one thought at a time? It's frustrating, to say the least. And I'm not talking about those who just are more laid back than I. I realize I'm high-strung and have sometimes a very strong sense of duty and responsibility, and yes, a bent towards being a control freak. I realize not everyone is like me and approaches things differently. But if you aren't up for the task, than don't take it on. Don't drag other people down with you because you can't handle it.
I have a motto - If you want something done, do it yourself. I wish I didn't have to feel that way. But when you're disappointed so many times by others who won't do their part, what do you expect?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Maybe I should just hire a sitter?
As someone who works in, performs in, and enjoys attending the arts, it can be a challenge to do all the things I want to (and need to) without feeling the guilt of having my child spend evenings with friends or family while I'm out gallavanting around town. This past Saturday, I had to work one of our events, and I invited hubby along. Went out with the band after for drinks. Had to find a sitter. This Friday night, we're going to a theatrical production starring, well, a lot of my friends. Have to find a sitter. Saturday night, we have another concert and post-concert reception to attend. Another sitter. Next Thursday and Friday, I'll be at a conference learning how to attract young people to arts events, while hubby has rehearsal for one of his shows. Yep, sitter. The week after that, hubby and I are going to Chicago for two days to see, you guessed it, theatre. Overnight sitter.
My child is a very social being. It's not that she minds staying a few hours with friends or Grandma or cousins. She actually enjoys it and looks forward to it. So why do I still feel guilty? Is it a prerequisite that in order to become a mother, you must meet a certain threshold for feelings of guilt? Or is it society that tries to convince us that as mothers, we must give up our own interests in order to spend as much time with our children as possible? I love spending time with my daughter. I also love spending time with my husband. AND I love spending time without either. Does that make me a bad person, a bad mother, a bad wife?
As my daughter gets older, it's easier for us to bring her along to rehearsals and shows when appropriate. She's spent so much time with her father at rehearsals that by the time the show opens, she could be an understudy! But seriously, I wouldn't do this if I didn't think exposure to the arts was something important and life-changing. Being in the arts really did shape who I am today. Even if she decides to pursue something else outside of the arts, I want her to understand and respect the process and the discipline that people need in order to be really successful at something. And if she does one day decide to be a performer, well, I certainly won't mind!
My child is a very social being. It's not that she minds staying a few hours with friends or Grandma or cousins. She actually enjoys it and looks forward to it. So why do I still feel guilty? Is it a prerequisite that in order to become a mother, you must meet a certain threshold for feelings of guilt? Or is it society that tries to convince us that as mothers, we must give up our own interests in order to spend as much time with our children as possible? I love spending time with my daughter. I also love spending time with my husband. AND I love spending time without either. Does that make me a bad person, a bad mother, a bad wife?
As my daughter gets older, it's easier for us to bring her along to rehearsals and shows when appropriate. She's spent so much time with her father at rehearsals that by the time the show opens, she could be an understudy! But seriously, I wouldn't do this if I didn't think exposure to the arts was something important and life-changing. Being in the arts really did shape who I am today. Even if she decides to pursue something else outside of the arts, I want her to understand and respect the process and the discipline that people need in order to be really successful at something. And if she does one day decide to be a performer, well, I certainly won't mind!
Monday, October 5, 2009
In the beginning...
The beginning of what I consider my current life all started back in June 1997. I was auditioning for a show at a local theatre. I was 24 years old. This man walks up and sits down next to me and strikes up a conversation, not knowing at the time that this man experienced, what he calls, love at first sight. Two and a half years later, after a long and close friendship, we become a couple. We met in the theatre, fell in love in the theatre, even shared our first kiss in the theatre. In 2001, this man proposes to me...onstage after our curtain call, in front of the audience! In 2002, we get married...you guessed it...onstage, in a theatre.
My husband is an actor/director/designer. He makes his full-time living in the theatre while I just consider it a hobby. He actually holds three theatre jobs that keep him quite busy, especially evenings and weekends. When we first started discussing adopting a child, I knew that my time on stage would be severely limited. With his schedule, I knew the brunt of the child-rearing would fall to me, and I was happy and ready to do it. But I knew that I could never really give up performing. Once you become a performer, it becomes a part of you, a sometimes weird, sick need to get up in front of others and bare your heart and soul, and become vulnerable to the hundreds of people watching.
I've never quite understood my motivation to become a performer. Perhaps it was to keep up with my talented older sisters. Perhaps it was to force myself out of the shell I'd put around myself growing up. Perhaps it was to prove to those naysayers in my childhood that I was actually worth something, could be something. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I did.
My husband is an actor/director/designer. He makes his full-time living in the theatre while I just consider it a hobby. He actually holds three theatre jobs that keep him quite busy, especially evenings and weekends. When we first started discussing adopting a child, I knew that my time on stage would be severely limited. With his schedule, I knew the brunt of the child-rearing would fall to me, and I was happy and ready to do it. But I knew that I could never really give up performing. Once you become a performer, it becomes a part of you, a sometimes weird, sick need to get up in front of others and bare your heart and soul, and become vulnerable to the hundreds of people watching.
I've never quite understood my motivation to become a performer. Perhaps it was to keep up with my talented older sisters. Perhaps it was to force myself out of the shell I'd put around myself growing up. Perhaps it was to prove to those naysayers in my childhood that I was actually worth something, could be something. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I did.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Why am I the Ultimate Diva Mom?
The definition of diva: a usually glamorous and successful female performer or personality. When I'm not working my day job as Director of Marketing for a non-profit performing arts organization, I like to perform in community theatre productions, and the occassional paid gig. For over 20 years, I've been performing in plays and musicals and trying as hard as I can to improve my skills - acting, singing, and dancing - the ultimate triple threat! Now, I didn't say I WAS a triple threat, just trying to make it there before I'm too old for it all. My latest goal as a singer is to be a belter. If you're not in the theatre lingo know, that just means to be able to sing out with power and gusto. So, if I call myself a Diva, I can continue under the illusion that one day, I'll be one...right?
Well, perhaps bigger than my job and my performing hobby is the fact that I'm a mother. I have a 20-year-old stepdaughter, a 17-year-old stepson, and a 5-year-old daughter. As other mothers know, being a mom is also a full-time job. You might ask how I can handle all of it without going crazy. Well, I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out.
My plan for this blog is to talk about the trials and tribulations, joy and happiness that being a full-time working diva mom can be. I love my family. More than anything. But if you're a parent, you know that it can be not only the most rewarding experience in your life, but also the most challenging. I may bitch and complain about those trials, I may whine and fuss over giving up so much for the benefit of my family. But in the end, they're the ones who keep me sane, even while driving me insane. They keep me grounded even when I'm flying off the handle. They keep me loved, even when I do things unlovable.
Well, perhaps bigger than my job and my performing hobby is the fact that I'm a mother. I have a 20-year-old stepdaughter, a 17-year-old stepson, and a 5-year-old daughter. As other mothers know, being a mom is also a full-time job. You might ask how I can handle all of it without going crazy. Well, I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out.
My plan for this blog is to talk about the trials and tribulations, joy and happiness that being a full-time working diva mom can be. I love my family. More than anything. But if you're a parent, you know that it can be not only the most rewarding experience in your life, but also the most challenging. I may bitch and complain about those trials, I may whine and fuss over giving up so much for the benefit of my family. But in the end, they're the ones who keep me sane, even while driving me insane. They keep me grounded even when I'm flying off the handle. They keep me loved, even when I do things unlovable.
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