Call it laziness or just too much else going on as to why I haven't updated this blog in awhile. Here are a few things that have happened in the last several months:
1) Joel FINALLY moved out here in August. He's a stay-at-home Dad for the time being.
2) Maya started 2nd grade in a new school. She's still not happy with school.
3) My job has had several upheavals and even more stressing moments, but I'm still hanging in there.
4) I auditioned for my first show in Colorado (but didn't get cast.)
5) I met Sarah McLachlan.
Just had to throw that last one in there because it was a dream come true for me!
We're now heading into the holiday season. This will be the first year we spend it away from our families, BUT my sister from L.A. will be spending Christmas with us here in Denver, so we won't be totally alone. Joel and I are trying to find ways to start our theatre company out here. I have been watching auditions and hope to go on another one next month. We want to get Maya signed up for Gymnastics after the first of the year as well. So much going on, but so happy that the three of us are together in one place!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Lonely mom
Wow, didn't realize it's been two months since my last post. Guess that's how fast life moves! Maya is ending her third week being with Dad in Indiana while I'm back in Colorado. I miss her so much! If only she would miss me...I know, I know, I keep being reminded that she does. But I also know she's having a great time spending this time with her Dad and with family and friends. I have about 2-3 weeks left until they come back. I'm keeping very busy at work. I even went on a fun weekend in L.A. to visit my sister. I'm trying to keep myself occupied.
I have never really lived alone. The longest was about two months before I moved in with Joel, but even then, we spent a lot of time at each other's houses. Part of me enjoys the extra time and freedom, and the other part of me misses taking care of my family. I've been trying to cook more and learn how to cook new things (an old New Year's Resolution) but realizing that I just really suck at cooking.
I really hope that these next few weeks go fast. I miss my daughter. I miss my husband.
I have never really lived alone. The longest was about two months before I moved in with Joel, but even then, we spent a lot of time at each other's houses. Part of me enjoys the extra time and freedom, and the other part of me misses taking care of my family. I've been trying to cook more and learn how to cook new things (an old New Year's Resolution) but realizing that I just really suck at cooking.
I really hope that these next few weeks go fast. I miss my daughter. I miss my husband.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Getting on my soapbox
So, a friend of mine posted this article on Facebook tonight about the shifting demographics in China, and how so many young men are finding themselves without wives due to less women their age. You can read the story below:
http://blogs.forbes.com/china/2011/05/13/chinas-growing-problem-of-too-many-single-men/
I often try to avoid any type of political discussion (and I do consider this political) but this issue does affect my family, so I had to share.
The one thing that I think this article is lacking is the fact that it is not just the one-child policy itself that is causing the shift, but the continued preference for boys over girls in those families that can only have one child. I am a mother due to that policy. So many girls were being abandoned in hopes of having a boy, or due to the inability of the parents to raise a child. If China is going to continue to treat their females as inferior, or continue to seriously penalize families for having more than one child, then the problem can only continue to worsen.
When we adopted Maya from China in 2005, we only had a six-month wait to get our referral. The wait is now FIVE YEARS. Reasons that have been given include the increase in domestic adoption within China and the slowing of children that are abandoned. But could it be more than that? Could it be that China realized that the number of girls that were being adopted out internationally was starting to play havoc on those demographics?
I really try not to bash China because of their policies and human rights issues. After all, they allowed me to adopt one of their own (and I couldn't be MORE thankful). But I really do think the country needs to take a long look at these issues and make some serious changes to ward off the unintended consequences that this one-child policy has created.
http://blogs.forbes.com/china/2011/05/13/chinas-growing-problem-of-too-many-single-men/
I often try to avoid any type of political discussion (and I do consider this political) but this issue does affect my family, so I had to share.
The one thing that I think this article is lacking is the fact that it is not just the one-child policy itself that is causing the shift, but the continued preference for boys over girls in those families that can only have one child. I am a mother due to that policy. So many girls were being abandoned in hopes of having a boy, or due to the inability of the parents to raise a child. If China is going to continue to treat their females as inferior, or continue to seriously penalize families for having more than one child, then the problem can only continue to worsen.
When we adopted Maya from China in 2005, we only had a six-month wait to get our referral. The wait is now FIVE YEARS. Reasons that have been given include the increase in domestic adoption within China and the slowing of children that are abandoned. But could it be more than that? Could it be that China realized that the number of girls that were being adopted out internationally was starting to play havoc on those demographics?
I really try not to bash China because of their policies and human rights issues. After all, they allowed me to adopt one of their own (and I couldn't be MORE thankful). But I really do think the country needs to take a long look at these issues and make some serious changes to ward off the unintended consequences that this one-child policy has created.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Life keeps moving forward
I know it's been awhile. Life seems to be busy, but slow at the same time. Does that make sense? Hubby's visit was short but nice. Now if we can just make it to June.
There have been many positives throughout this year. For one, Maya and I have become so much closer. We do so many things together, we talk, we cuddle, we play games. I think at this age, she's trying to find her own wings, but still needs the comfort of mom. We talk a lot about school, her friends, and really, about life in general. I remind her all the time that she can always talk to me and ask questions. I hope she remembers that when she's a teen!
Last night she went to her first major league baseball game! Again, I love that there are so many new opportunities here in Colorado for her to experience. I have experienced so many new things myself! While she's excited to go back to Indiana for the summer, I hope that she'll be just as excited to come back home to Colorado with her Dad. Once they're both back here at the end of July, it will be time we settle in and call this place home.
There have been many positives throughout this year. For one, Maya and I have become so much closer. We do so many things together, we talk, we cuddle, we play games. I think at this age, she's trying to find her own wings, but still needs the comfort of mom. We talk a lot about school, her friends, and really, about life in general. I remind her all the time that she can always talk to me and ask questions. I hope she remembers that when she's a teen!
Last night she went to her first major league baseball game! Again, I love that there are so many new opportunities here in Colorado for her to experience. I have experienced so many new things myself! While she's excited to go back to Indiana for the summer, I hope that she'll be just as excited to come back home to Colorado with her Dad. Once they're both back here at the end of July, it will be time we settle in and call this place home.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
More changes
You know I like to keep life exciting! So why not throw some more changes into our already complicated life, right?
Here's the deal. After some conversation, hubby and I decided that he would stay in Indiana through July in order to be able to run his theatre camps. Many of his students have been asking about them, and we thought it would be easy money to help pay for his move out here.
Well, then the rational (not emotional) part of me thought, "Hey, Maya should stay in Indiana for the summer too!" If she stays here with me, she'll be stuck in daycare all summer while I work. Our summer will get very busy at work, so it makes sense to give me time to focus on all of that. Plus, she misses her dad so much, and this gives her a chance to have Dad by himself without me for six weeks.
The emotional part of me??? Well, while I know it all makes perfect sense, I'm going to be without my child for six weeks!?! I have to remind myself that hubby has had to do this since we moved out here. But for a mom to be away from her daughter for that long? Let's just say I hope I stay really busy, so I don't think about what she's doing every minute of the day! Granted, I'll get much-anticipated free time and will actually get to have a bit of a social life. But I know it will be so hard. That's what I get for offering up the idea, huh?
Hubby will be here in a few weeks, but just staying seven days. Maya is so excited. I keep reminding her we are 2/3 of the way done and in the home stretch. But it seems the closer we get to summer, the more she misses her dad. I don't blame her. I miss him too.
So, Maya and I will fly home in June, and I'll fly back to Colorado, alone, after about 10-12 days. Oh, and did I mention by the time Joel gets out here we'll need to start looking for a bigger place to live???
Here's the deal. After some conversation, hubby and I decided that he would stay in Indiana through July in order to be able to run his theatre camps. Many of his students have been asking about them, and we thought it would be easy money to help pay for his move out here.
Well, then the rational (not emotional) part of me thought, "Hey, Maya should stay in Indiana for the summer too!" If she stays here with me, she'll be stuck in daycare all summer while I work. Our summer will get very busy at work, so it makes sense to give me time to focus on all of that. Plus, she misses her dad so much, and this gives her a chance to have Dad by himself without me for six weeks.
The emotional part of me??? Well, while I know it all makes perfect sense, I'm going to be without my child for six weeks!?! I have to remind myself that hubby has had to do this since we moved out here. But for a mom to be away from her daughter for that long? Let's just say I hope I stay really busy, so I don't think about what she's doing every minute of the day! Granted, I'll get much-anticipated free time and will actually get to have a bit of a social life. But I know it will be so hard. That's what I get for offering up the idea, huh?
Hubby will be here in a few weeks, but just staying seven days. Maya is so excited. I keep reminding her we are 2/3 of the way done and in the home stretch. But it seems the closer we get to summer, the more she misses her dad. I don't blame her. I miss him too.
So, Maya and I will fly home in June, and I'll fly back to Colorado, alone, after about 10-12 days. Oh, and did I mention by the time Joel gets out here we'll need to start looking for a bigger place to live???
Monday, February 28, 2011
Back in the swing of things
I know it's been awhile. Joel's visit ended over a week ago and then my computer crashed...again. Stupid hard drives. But I'm back online and back into the old swing of things.
Speaking of 'the swing of things', let's talk about that, shall we? Ever since Maya and I moved out here, I've tried to make new habits and 'traditions', if you will. One of my big goals was to keep the condo clean. Much more clean than my home was in Indiana. Living with a husband, two teens (well, teen and 20-something now) and a kid made for a messy house, and one I just finally tired of trying to clean all the time. Now that it's just Maya and I, it's much easier to clean up the kitchen after dinner, do the laundry, pick up the living room. I have no excuse out here.
I've also made sure that I cook more meals. The five of us were rarely home at the same time in Indiana, so it was drive-thrus and convenience meals. Now that I have this new space and more time on my hands (ahem, no theatre...) I make sure Maya and I have home-cooked meals most nights of the week.
But as we get settled into our life out here, it's different when my husband comes to visit. We are so thrilled when he is here, but I can understand that he feels more like a visitor. This isn't his 'home' just yet, and actually, we'll be moving into a bigger place by end of summer anyway. But I understand it's hard for him to find his own place out here with us now that Maya and I have gotten into our own habits. I felt the same way when we went back to Indiana for the holidays. It wasn't odd being with my family, but odd being in a place I hadn't lived in several months. I lived out of my luggage for the 12 days I was there, and most of my 'stuff' was here in Colorado. My name is still on the mortgage, but it felt less like home.
Now, I know my husband is one of the few that read this blog and I don't want him to think there is anything negative in this post! :-) But it is an odd feeling knowing that you've left someplace to start anew elsewhere. I wonder where 'home' really is. Will it feel more like home when he moves out here and we're together again? Will it feel odd not having the other two kids with us, since they'll be in Indiana making their way through college? Only time will tell.
Speaking of 'the swing of things', let's talk about that, shall we? Ever since Maya and I moved out here, I've tried to make new habits and 'traditions', if you will. One of my big goals was to keep the condo clean. Much more clean than my home was in Indiana. Living with a husband, two teens (well, teen and 20-something now) and a kid made for a messy house, and one I just finally tired of trying to clean all the time. Now that it's just Maya and I, it's much easier to clean up the kitchen after dinner, do the laundry, pick up the living room. I have no excuse out here.
I've also made sure that I cook more meals. The five of us were rarely home at the same time in Indiana, so it was drive-thrus and convenience meals. Now that I have this new space and more time on my hands (ahem, no theatre...) I make sure Maya and I have home-cooked meals most nights of the week.
But as we get settled into our life out here, it's different when my husband comes to visit. We are so thrilled when he is here, but I can understand that he feels more like a visitor. This isn't his 'home' just yet, and actually, we'll be moving into a bigger place by end of summer anyway. But I understand it's hard for him to find his own place out here with us now that Maya and I have gotten into our own habits. I felt the same way when we went back to Indiana for the holidays. It wasn't odd being with my family, but odd being in a place I hadn't lived in several months. I lived out of my luggage for the 12 days I was there, and most of my 'stuff' was here in Colorado. My name is still on the mortgage, but it felt less like home.
Now, I know my husband is one of the few that read this blog and I don't want him to think there is anything negative in this post! :-) But it is an odd feeling knowing that you've left someplace to start anew elsewhere. I wonder where 'home' really is. Will it feel more like home when he moves out here and we're together again? Will it feel odd not having the other two kids with us, since they'll be in Indiana making their way through college? Only time will tell.
Friday, February 4, 2011
When it rains...
Hubby is here! And good thing, too. Remember that comment I made last entry about single parenthood? I probably couldn't have made it through this week without him.
First of all, let's update on Maya. She got over her cold/fever, but has had a continuing cough. Hubby arrived on Saturday. Sunday morning, my dear child wakes up and says she's itchy. I take her in the bathroom to wipe down her skin to get a better look (she has very dry skin and had scratched the crap out of it.) HIVES were covering her legs and arms. Soon they popped up on her face. I called our pediatrician's weekend message service and had a ped nurse call me back. She suggested Benadryl and said not to worry unless she had a fever or trouble breathing. After giving her Benadryl, I tried to think of what could possibly have caused them. Found out hubby and kids had been using a scented laundry detergent. I buy unscented detergent because Maya has such sensitive skin. I assumed it was a contact reaction to his clothes.
I send her off to school on Monday - which, by the way, was very snowy as the winter storm started hitting. It took me much longer to get to work. I walk into my office...and the school nurse calls. Maya has broken out in hives again. SO, I had to drive back out in the crappy weather back to her school. I decided she could come home for the rest of the day, as she was incredibly itchy and the kids kept all asking her questions on why she was getting bumps all over her face (poor girl.)
I drop her off at home (since Joel was there to watch her) and go back to work again. I called her pediatrician's office again to discuss further. We determined that it is more than likely a secondary reaction to the virus that she was fighting off the work before. She said it could last 3-4 days and to keep giving her Benadryl.
Tuesday, the weather was SO COLD (sub-zero temps all day) that Maya's school district closed. In fact, I think all school districts closed. My work shut down for the day too so we all huddled inside and hubby made warm, spicy chili! And yes, the hives continued. But at least she could stay home and not be subjected to the other kids' curiosities.
Wednesday saw another school closure due to very cold temps, so again, hubby could stay home with Maya so I could go to work. Well, I could go to work if I could get my truck to start!!! It was dead. It had been so cold the day and night before that it would not start. A friend of ours who lives across the way asked if Joel could watch her daughter as well so she could go to her classes downtown. I hitched a ride with her to work, being two hours late.
Today, Thursday, Maya was sent off to school with Benadryl. She said she didn't need it at all during the day, but tonight, more hives. It's day 5. Let's hope they go away soon. I am crazy busy at work and was able to stay until 6:30, when hubby picked me up. The plan was to take tomorrow off so we could go to lunch together and a movie while Maya is in school. But duty calls at work, so I'm taking Monday off instead.
It's been a crazy week and I'm so thankful to have my husband here with us. Maya couldn't be happier (well, except for the whole itching thing). We're going to an Avs game on Saturday. I'm planning a solo shopping day on Sunday. Dinners are planned with friends and co-workers. It's nice to have a social life again, even if it's just for a short time.
First of all, let's update on Maya. She got over her cold/fever, but has had a continuing cough. Hubby arrived on Saturday. Sunday morning, my dear child wakes up and says she's itchy. I take her in the bathroom to wipe down her skin to get a better look (she has very dry skin and had scratched the crap out of it.) HIVES were covering her legs and arms. Soon they popped up on her face. I called our pediatrician's weekend message service and had a ped nurse call me back. She suggested Benadryl and said not to worry unless she had a fever or trouble breathing. After giving her Benadryl, I tried to think of what could possibly have caused them. Found out hubby and kids had been using a scented laundry detergent. I buy unscented detergent because Maya has such sensitive skin. I assumed it was a contact reaction to his clothes.
I send her off to school on Monday - which, by the way, was very snowy as the winter storm started hitting. It took me much longer to get to work. I walk into my office...and the school nurse calls. Maya has broken out in hives again. SO, I had to drive back out in the crappy weather back to her school. I decided she could come home for the rest of the day, as she was incredibly itchy and the kids kept all asking her questions on why she was getting bumps all over her face (poor girl.)
I drop her off at home (since Joel was there to watch her) and go back to work again. I called her pediatrician's office again to discuss further. We determined that it is more than likely a secondary reaction to the virus that she was fighting off the work before. She said it could last 3-4 days and to keep giving her Benadryl.
Tuesday, the weather was SO COLD (sub-zero temps all day) that Maya's school district closed. In fact, I think all school districts closed. My work shut down for the day too so we all huddled inside and hubby made warm, spicy chili! And yes, the hives continued. But at least she could stay home and not be subjected to the other kids' curiosities.
Wednesday saw another school closure due to very cold temps, so again, hubby could stay home with Maya so I could go to work. Well, I could go to work if I could get my truck to start!!! It was dead. It had been so cold the day and night before that it would not start. A friend of ours who lives across the way asked if Joel could watch her daughter as well so she could go to her classes downtown. I hitched a ride with her to work, being two hours late.
Today, Thursday, Maya was sent off to school with Benadryl. She said she didn't need it at all during the day, but tonight, more hives. It's day 5. Let's hope they go away soon. I am crazy busy at work and was able to stay until 6:30, when hubby picked me up. The plan was to take tomorrow off so we could go to lunch together and a movie while Maya is in school. But duty calls at work, so I'm taking Monday off instead.
It's been a crazy week and I'm so thankful to have my husband here with us. Maya couldn't be happier (well, except for the whole itching thing). We're going to an Avs game on Saturday. I'm planning a solo shopping day on Sunday. Dinners are planned with friends and co-workers. It's nice to have a social life again, even if it's just for a short time.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Single parenthood
I have always had great respect for single parents. But it wasn't until I was one (albeit temporarily) that I really understood the added layers of worry and the difficulty of having backup plans. While we're still new to Colorado, having been here for five months, we are starting to make friends and a small support system is forming. But going from having practically your whole family at your fingertips to having no one, it's been a challenge.
Maya has gotten sick for the first time since we've been here. She has a fever, cough, and a bit of a stomach ache. She's still in good spirits, luckily, but it's the first time it's added some new worries. Worries such as "If she gets really sick, I don't have a pediatrician chosen for her yet. Where do we go?", "If I need to run to the store to get more medicine, how can I take her with me?", "What if I have to take several days off of work, or worse, get sick myself?".
Luckily, my hubby will be here in 7 days and will be staying for three weeks. It will be so nice to once again have someone to carry the load of parenthood in the physical sense. Don't get me wrong - he's still very much involved in her parenting, as I call if I need advice or help, or just to have him try to talk some sense into her! I don't want it to seem like I'm doing this alone, because I'm not. But when he's 1500 miles away, there's only so much he can do to help us if an emergency arises.
Single parents with little to no support systems have the toughest job. I just finished reading a book based in China where a 12 year old girl's father passed away, then the mother was dying and worried sick about what would happen to her child. The girl bravely told her mother she would be fine, and upon her passing, moved in with a friend of her father's and his family. It saddens me to think of those parents who have no idea what would happen to their child if something happened to them. It's made me so much more aware now that we've been out here on our own. It's so important to have a support system to help carry on in times of need.
For now, I'll continue to feed my daughter ibuprofen and chicken noodle soup. And pray that we can make it through this week until we get her dad back in our presence! And Diva Mom can take a few deep breaths and thank God that I'm not in this alone.
Maya has gotten sick for the first time since we've been here. She has a fever, cough, and a bit of a stomach ache. She's still in good spirits, luckily, but it's the first time it's added some new worries. Worries such as "If she gets really sick, I don't have a pediatrician chosen for her yet. Where do we go?", "If I need to run to the store to get more medicine, how can I take her with me?", "What if I have to take several days off of work, or worse, get sick myself?".
Luckily, my hubby will be here in 7 days and will be staying for three weeks. It will be so nice to once again have someone to carry the load of parenthood in the physical sense. Don't get me wrong - he's still very much involved in her parenting, as I call if I need advice or help, or just to have him try to talk some sense into her! I don't want it to seem like I'm doing this alone, because I'm not. But when he's 1500 miles away, there's only so much he can do to help us if an emergency arises.
Single parents with little to no support systems have the toughest job. I just finished reading a book based in China where a 12 year old girl's father passed away, then the mother was dying and worried sick about what would happen to her child. The girl bravely told her mother she would be fine, and upon her passing, moved in with a friend of her father's and his family. It saddens me to think of those parents who have no idea what would happen to their child if something happened to them. It's made me so much more aware now that we've been out here on our own. It's so important to have a support system to help carry on in times of need.
For now, I'll continue to feed my daughter ibuprofen and chicken noodle soup. And pray that we can make it through this week until we get her dad back in our presence! And Diva Mom can take a few deep breaths and thank God that I'm not in this alone.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Emotional Release
I rediscovered something today that I have always known, but just need reminded of every so often.
I consider myself a strong-willed person. Stubborn, sometimes. I've been described as unemotional or cold, even. The truth is, I am an extremely emotional person. I have just been able to, over the years and due to various experiences and circumstances, hide those emotions. I've needed to do that to survive and keep moving on. And as my career continues to grow, I have to make sure even more that I keep emotions in check at work. No one wants a blubbering boss who wears her heart on her sleeve, right?
What I've been missing since I've been out here in Denver is the chance to really get out those emotional releases. The emotions from the move were heavy and painful in those first few months. Maya expressed it daily with tears and bitter remarks about making her move, while I kept my emotions in check until my heart was so burdened that it burst out in sporadic fits. My daughter IS someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. It's hard to deal with that sometimes because she expresses herself so differently than I do.
Anyway, as I was driving after work today to pick her up from after school care, I put on my iPod and started to sing. I have been under the weather the past week and really have no great voice at the moment. But I NEEDED to sing. And I needed to sing loud. I just rarely get those opportunities to sing anymore. I doubt the crazies that live below us would appreciate a well-selected showtune. I'm sure they would start banging on their ceiling like they do when I clean my kitchen. So where else can I release that emotion than in my truck on my 20-minute commute?
I've said before how much I need theater for self-expression. It's just something that I crave. And knowing I can't perform for several months makes me need it all the more. But at least singing for those 20 minutes every so often can allow me to emote theatrically in stop and go traffic. I don't mind if people stare at me at redlights. I need to get it out. Otherwise, I'll turn into that cold, uncaring bitch that some people think I am.
I consider myself a strong-willed person. Stubborn, sometimes. I've been described as unemotional or cold, even. The truth is, I am an extremely emotional person. I have just been able to, over the years and due to various experiences and circumstances, hide those emotions. I've needed to do that to survive and keep moving on. And as my career continues to grow, I have to make sure even more that I keep emotions in check at work. No one wants a blubbering boss who wears her heart on her sleeve, right?
What I've been missing since I've been out here in Denver is the chance to really get out those emotional releases. The emotions from the move were heavy and painful in those first few months. Maya expressed it daily with tears and bitter remarks about making her move, while I kept my emotions in check until my heart was so burdened that it burst out in sporadic fits. My daughter IS someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. It's hard to deal with that sometimes because she expresses herself so differently than I do.
Anyway, as I was driving after work today to pick her up from after school care, I put on my iPod and started to sing. I have been under the weather the past week and really have no great voice at the moment. But I NEEDED to sing. And I needed to sing loud. I just rarely get those opportunities to sing anymore. I doubt the crazies that live below us would appreciate a well-selected showtune. I'm sure they would start banging on their ceiling like they do when I clean my kitchen. So where else can I release that emotion than in my truck on my 20-minute commute?
I've said before how much I need theater for self-expression. It's just something that I crave. And knowing I can't perform for several months makes me need it all the more. But at least singing for those 20 minutes every so often can allow me to emote theatrically in stop and go traffic. I don't mind if people stare at me at redlights. I need to get it out. Otherwise, I'll turn into that cold, uncaring bitch that some people think I am.
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