I have always had great respect for single parents. But it wasn't until I was one (albeit temporarily) that I really understood the added layers of worry and the difficulty of having backup plans. While we're still new to Colorado, having been here for five months, we are starting to make friends and a small support system is forming. But going from having practically your whole family at your fingertips to having no one, it's been a challenge.
Maya has gotten sick for the first time since we've been here. She has a fever, cough, and a bit of a stomach ache. She's still in good spirits, luckily, but it's the first time it's added some new worries. Worries such as "If she gets really sick, I don't have a pediatrician chosen for her yet. Where do we go?", "If I need to run to the store to get more medicine, how can I take her with me?", "What if I have to take several days off of work, or worse, get sick myself?".
Luckily, my hubby will be here in 7 days and will be staying for three weeks. It will be so nice to once again have someone to carry the load of parenthood in the physical sense. Don't get me wrong - he's still very much involved in her parenting, as I call if I need advice or help, or just to have him try to talk some sense into her! I don't want it to seem like I'm doing this alone, because I'm not. But when he's 1500 miles away, there's only so much he can do to help us if an emergency arises.
Single parents with little to no support systems have the toughest job. I just finished reading a book based in China where a 12 year old girl's father passed away, then the mother was dying and worried sick about what would happen to her child. The girl bravely told her mother she would be fine, and upon her passing, moved in with a friend of her father's and his family. It saddens me to think of those parents who have no idea what would happen to their child if something happened to them. It's made me so much more aware now that we've been out here on our own. It's so important to have a support system to help carry on in times of need.
For now, I'll continue to feed my daughter ibuprofen and chicken noodle soup. And pray that we can make it through this week until we get her dad back in our presence! And Diva Mom can take a few deep breaths and thank God that I'm not in this alone.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Emotional Release
I rediscovered something today that I have always known, but just need reminded of every so often.
I consider myself a strong-willed person. Stubborn, sometimes. I've been described as unemotional or cold, even. The truth is, I am an extremely emotional person. I have just been able to, over the years and due to various experiences and circumstances, hide those emotions. I've needed to do that to survive and keep moving on. And as my career continues to grow, I have to make sure even more that I keep emotions in check at work. No one wants a blubbering boss who wears her heart on her sleeve, right?
What I've been missing since I've been out here in Denver is the chance to really get out those emotional releases. The emotions from the move were heavy and painful in those first few months. Maya expressed it daily with tears and bitter remarks about making her move, while I kept my emotions in check until my heart was so burdened that it burst out in sporadic fits. My daughter IS someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. It's hard to deal with that sometimes because she expresses herself so differently than I do.
Anyway, as I was driving after work today to pick her up from after school care, I put on my iPod and started to sing. I have been under the weather the past week and really have no great voice at the moment. But I NEEDED to sing. And I needed to sing loud. I just rarely get those opportunities to sing anymore. I doubt the crazies that live below us would appreciate a well-selected showtune. I'm sure they would start banging on their ceiling like they do when I clean my kitchen. So where else can I release that emotion than in my truck on my 20-minute commute?
I've said before how much I need theater for self-expression. It's just something that I crave. And knowing I can't perform for several months makes me need it all the more. But at least singing for those 20 minutes every so often can allow me to emote theatrically in stop and go traffic. I don't mind if people stare at me at redlights. I need to get it out. Otherwise, I'll turn into that cold, uncaring bitch that some people think I am.
I consider myself a strong-willed person. Stubborn, sometimes. I've been described as unemotional or cold, even. The truth is, I am an extremely emotional person. I have just been able to, over the years and due to various experiences and circumstances, hide those emotions. I've needed to do that to survive and keep moving on. And as my career continues to grow, I have to make sure even more that I keep emotions in check at work. No one wants a blubbering boss who wears her heart on her sleeve, right?
What I've been missing since I've been out here in Denver is the chance to really get out those emotional releases. The emotions from the move were heavy and painful in those first few months. Maya expressed it daily with tears and bitter remarks about making her move, while I kept my emotions in check until my heart was so burdened that it burst out in sporadic fits. My daughter IS someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. It's hard to deal with that sometimes because she expresses herself so differently than I do.
Anyway, as I was driving after work today to pick her up from after school care, I put on my iPod and started to sing. I have been under the weather the past week and really have no great voice at the moment. But I NEEDED to sing. And I needed to sing loud. I just rarely get those opportunities to sing anymore. I doubt the crazies that live below us would appreciate a well-selected showtune. I'm sure they would start banging on their ceiling like they do when I clean my kitchen. So where else can I release that emotion than in my truck on my 20-minute commute?
I've said before how much I need theater for self-expression. It's just something that I crave. And knowing I can't perform for several months makes me need it all the more. But at least singing for those 20 minutes every so often can allow me to emote theatrically in stop and go traffic. I don't mind if people stare at me at redlights. I need to get it out. Otherwise, I'll turn into that cold, uncaring bitch that some people think I am.
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