The difference a (not quite) year makes

Wow. It's been 10 months since I updated. And boy, the changes that have occurred since then. For starters, I moved my family across country again! It had become more and more apparent that the job I was in was just NOT working out. I was unhappy and unappreciated. My daughter was still struggling with making friends and fitting in, and my husband couldn't quite find his place. Just when I was about at the end of my rope, a new opportunity came about, and I'm happy to say we're now living in Tennessee. I used to think that my career would take an uphill trajectory, meaning that the organizations I worked for would be bigger and better than my previous job. However, I am here to tell you that bigger is not necessarily better. Now that I'm working for a much smaller organization, I actually feel as if I've found the right fit.

My daughter is much happier, making friends and doing much better in school. Hubby is pursuing some opportunities and he also is happier here. We have space to breathe and opportunities to make new friends.We are closer to 'home' and are already planning on going back to see family for the holidays. Although we're in a smaller town, I think there are several opportunities for me to get back into theatre. It has been two and a half years since I've done a show. To say I miss being on stage is an understatement. Although it's always just been a hobby, it's such a creative outlet for me, and I would love to be a part of that environment again.

I hope that at some point, hubby and I can start our theatre company here. Time will tell.

Good intentions

Without getting too in-depth into reasons why, it's really difficult not to second guess decisions that you think are the right ones. At the time, they may seem like they're the best option, but best for whom? And once the decision has been made but the 'benefits' of it aren't being realized, do you give up? Do you try something else? Do you let someone else make the decisions?

I truly believe that good intentions are what helped make the decision. I hate to fail. I hate to think that a decision I made wasn't the best for my family. Most of the time, I worry about making other people happy that sometimes I don't make myself happy. But in this instance, my happiness superceded all. But I'm still not happy. So what now?

It's Christmas time already?

Call it laziness or just too much else going on as to why I haven't updated this blog in awhile. Here are a few things that have happened in the last several months:

1) Joel FINALLY moved out here in August. He's a stay-at-home Dad for the time being.
2) Maya started 2nd grade in a new school. She's still not happy with school.
3) My job has had several upheavals and even more stressing moments, but I'm still hanging in there.
4) I auditioned for my first show in Colorado (but didn't get cast.)
5) I met Sarah McLachlan.

Just had to throw that last one in there because it was a dream come true for me!

We're now heading into the holiday season. This will be the first year we spend it away from our families, BUT my sister from L.A. will be spending Christmas with us here in Denver, so we won't be totally alone. Joel and I are trying to find ways to start our theatre company out here. I have been watching auditions and hope to go on another one next month. We want to get Maya signed up for Gymnastics after the first of the year as well. So much going on, but so happy that the three of us are together in one place!

Lonely mom

Wow, didn't realize it's been two months since my last post. Guess that's how fast life moves! Maya is ending her third week being with Dad in Indiana while I'm back in Colorado. I miss her so much! If only she would miss me...I know, I know, I keep being reminded that she does. But I also know she's having a great time spending this time with her Dad and with family and friends. I have about 2-3 weeks left until they come back. I'm keeping very busy at work. I even went on a fun weekend in L.A. to visit my sister. I'm trying to keep myself occupied.

I have never really lived alone. The longest was about two months before I moved in with Joel, but even then, we spent a lot of time at each other's houses. Part of me enjoys the extra time and freedom, and the other part of me misses taking care of my family. I've been trying to cook more and learn how to cook new things (an old New Year's Resolution) but realizing that I just really suck at cooking.

I really hope that these next few weeks go fast. I miss my daughter. I miss my husband.

Getting on my soapbox

So, a friend of mine posted this article on Facebook tonight about the shifting demographics in China, and how so many young men are finding themselves without wives due to less women their age. You can read the story below:

http://blogs.forbes.com/china/2011/05/13/chinas-growing-problem-of-too-many-single-men/

I often try to avoid any type of political discussion (and I do consider this political) but this issue does affect my family, so I had to share.

The one thing that I think this article is lacking is the fact that it is not just the one-child policy itself that is causing the shift, but the continued preference for boys over girls in those families that can only have one child. I am a mother due to that policy. So many girls were being abandoned in hopes of having a boy, or due to the inability of the parents to raise a child. If China is going to continue to treat their females as inferior, or continue to seriously penalize families for having more than one child, then the problem can only continue to worsen.

When we adopted Maya from China in 2005, we only had a six-month  wait to get our referral. The wait is now FIVE YEARS. Reasons that have been given include the increase in domestic adoption within China and the slowing of children that are abandoned. But could it be more than that? Could it be that China realized that the number of girls that were being adopted out internationally was starting to play havoc on those demographics?

I really try not to bash China because of their policies and human rights issues. After all, they allowed me to adopt one of their own (and I couldn't be MORE thankful). But I really do think the country needs to take a long look at these issues and make some serious changes to ward off the unintended consequences that this one-child policy has created.

Life keeps moving forward

I know it's been awhile. Life seems to be busy, but slow at the same time. Does that make sense? Hubby's visit was short but nice. Now if we can just make it to June.

There have been many positives throughout this year. For one, Maya and I have become so much closer. We do so many things together, we talk, we cuddle, we play games. I think at this age, she's trying to find her own wings, but still needs the comfort of mom. We talk a lot about school, her friends, and really, about life in general. I remind her all the time that she can always talk to me and ask questions. I hope she remembers that when she's a teen!

Last night she went to her first major league baseball game! Again, I love that there are so many new opportunities here in Colorado for her to experience. I have experienced so many new things myself! While she's excited to go back to Indiana for the summer, I hope that she'll be just as excited to come back home to Colorado with her Dad. Once they're both back here at the end of July, it will be time we settle in and call this place home.

More changes

You know I like to keep life exciting! So why not throw some more changes into our already complicated life, right?

Here's the deal. After some conversation, hubby and I decided that he would stay in Indiana through July in order to be able to run his theatre camps. Many of his students have been asking about them, and we thought it would be easy money to help pay for his move out here.

Well, then the rational (not emotional) part of me thought, "Hey, Maya should stay in Indiana for the summer too!" If she stays here with me, she'll be stuck in daycare all summer while I work. Our summer will get very busy at work, so it makes sense to give me time to focus on all of that. Plus, she misses her dad so much, and this gives her a chance to have Dad by himself without me for six weeks.

The emotional part of me??? Well, while I know it all makes perfect sense, I'm going to be without my child for six weeks!?! I have to remind myself that hubby has had to do this since we moved out here. But for a mom to be away from her daughter for that long? Let's just say I hope I stay really busy, so I don't think about what she's doing every minute of the day! Granted, I'll get much-anticipated free time and will actually get to have a bit of a social life. But I know it will be so hard. That's what I get for offering up the idea, huh?

Hubby will be here in a few weeks, but just staying seven days. Maya is so excited. I keep reminding her we are 2/3 of the way done and in the home stretch. But it seems the closer we get to summer, the more she misses her dad. I don't blame her. I miss him too.

So, Maya and I will fly home in June, and I'll fly back to Colorado, alone, after about 10-12 days. Oh, and did I mention by the time Joel gets out here we'll need to start looking for a bigger place to live???