Emotional Release

I rediscovered something today that I have always known, but just need reminded of every so often.

I consider myself a strong-willed person. Stubborn, sometimes. I've been described as unemotional or cold, even. The truth is, I am an extremely emotional person. I have just been able to, over the years and due to various experiences and circumstances, hide those emotions. I've needed to do that to survive and keep moving on. And as my career continues to grow, I have to make sure even more that I keep emotions in check at work. No one wants a blubbering boss who wears her heart on her sleeve, right?

What I've been missing since I've been out here in Denver is the chance to really get out those emotional releases. The emotions from the move were heavy and painful in those first few months. Maya expressed it daily with tears and bitter remarks about making her move, while I kept my emotions in check until my heart was so burdened that it burst out in sporadic fits. My daughter IS someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. It's hard to deal with that sometimes because she expresses herself so differently than I do.

Anyway, as I was driving after work today to pick her up from after school care, I put on my iPod and started to sing. I have been under the weather the past week and really have no great voice at the moment. But I NEEDED to sing. And I needed to sing loud. I just rarely get those opportunities to sing anymore. I doubt the crazies that live below us would appreciate a well-selected showtune. I'm sure they would start banging on their ceiling like they do when I clean my kitchen. So where else can I release that emotion than in my truck on my 20-minute commute?

I've said before how much I need theater for self-expression. It's just something that I crave. And knowing I can't perform for several months makes me need it all the more. But at least singing for those 20 minutes every so often can allow me to emote theatrically in stop and go traffic. I don't mind if people stare at me at redlights. I need to get it out. Otherwise, I'll turn into that cold, uncaring bitch that some people think I am.