I didn't expect this move would be easy. I knew it would probably be the hardest thing to do in my life to date. This move didn't just affect me. It affected my family, my friends, my co-workers. It's days like today when I'm sitting in bed, feeling under the weather, as I have all week, and just feeling very lonely. Maya has been struggling with the change. I took her away from her friends and family, and she's finding it hard to fit in. While I have a great support system back home, it's hard to call on that from 1200 miles away.
But despite the challenges, I knew the move should happen. Although some might think I was selfish for accepting a new job in another state, and breaking apart my family for a year, but I still do believe that it was the right decision. There are nothing but opportunities for all of us. I know Maya doesn't see that now, but they are there. My husband has so many new choices for work out here. I know that I have growth potential in this community for my career. But on days like today, it feels like a really stupid idea.
I don't expect I'll feel maudlin like this all the time. But it's been a week without my husband (the longest we've gone without seeing each other is two weeks.), it's been a week of immense challenges for my daughter at school. It's been a week of trying to fit in myself in a new work environment. And it doesn't help that my body is still trying to get used to this altitude and air, and is revolting against it.
I was going to try some retail therapy today. A few new clothes for Fall (which doesn't seem to be coming with the 80 degree temps). But perhaps just a 'lay in bed and read' type of day is in order. Maya seems content to watch movies all day. Maybe I just need a day to recoup, reset, and remind myself why I made this move and this major life decision.
Remember when we came home with EB? DH and I were living in that horrible little apartment that was too small to let anyone come in and help me out? EB was being a terror (understandably, but still exhausting). My church family was far away and for some reason of timing they were not around to help me way down on the SE side of town. I had not established a new church family where we were living. JB was not happy that EB would not let her near me. EB continued to hate DH. We kept having snow after snow that locked me in the apartment because there was no where to go! I remember sitting there, still weeks after coming home, wondering what I had done to my family by bringing EB into it. Wondering if our family was really what EB needed. Deep in my heart I knew that God had put us all together, but it was hard. There are times it is still hard. But throughout it, there were friends to reach out to, even if it was only online. And you were one of those that reached out to me a lot! Don't forget that our family is here to reach out to, to love you, to listen to you when you need to talk!
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